Friday 13 December 2019

Fret


Fret

Internal, infernal revolution
That plays out in my thoughts
Consumes my head
Unsettled flesh and bones
In my own body
Blue blood oxygenated
Spilling red, red, red
When self becomes one’s own oppressor
When self and ego don’t play fair
Undertow, colossal tsunami of emotions


Breathe, breathe, feel the belly rising
Bloat me like I’ve consumed too much bread
A carbohydrate exhaustion
Makes my mind dark, limbs like lead, lead, lead

I need a little pick me up
A break from winter’s cold
I need to accept that I’m growing old, old, old

Stutter, shake, collapse and sleep now
Wake up in the morning
Feel the same
Like a lottery where your ticket’s never winning
The borderline between the sane and insane, insane, insane

I just want a moment of normal
Whatever normal may be
Or is such a state sustainable
Just need to be happy to be me, me, me
That’s the only way I can ever be free, free, free

Unshackle thoughts, beliefs and assumptions
Clear the shit straight out of my head
I seek the clear and pleasant waters
A place devoid of unfounded fear and dread, dread, dread

I know I know I’m not my thoughts I’m thinking
Always without ever a reprieve
Go to hell ego voice and demons
Break the shackles self-imposed and be, be, be


Edmonton, AB, Canada




Friday 29 November 2019

Forever We Have Arrived


Forever we have Arrived


How did we arrive at this moment?
The linear and spirals of time
From the origins of all;
The matter of which we are comprised? The same energy that has existed
Since time immemorial and the infinite future that
Will shape and shift itself forever
Making us infinite-immortal
All leading to this moment;
The energy that is I that is you that is all

Manifest in the wave that will rise, crest and
Disperse; ocean never-ending
Shape shift
Be the now
Of all placement
We are here
Knowing that all is altering;

Namah Shivaya
Impermanence of a mandala
The grains of sand comprise, compose, wash away
Perhaps never to resemble this particular self-shape again
The wonder of it all; the beauty ever present
The biodiversity and congregation of elements
Spiced with spirit and consciousness

To be as not is nothing and nothing
Implies no-thing; impossible or just impossible to comprehend?
Therein lies the immortality of matter, the impermanence of form
The continuum of time
Our ancestors, our energy, our food our elements
Intertwining double helix
Shape and evolve
Eternal and we are a pies of universal mosaic…
How can we not be mesmerized by this moment
In which we have become?

For we are and we are now
The physical flesh vehicle of our lives altering with each passing moment-
A compilation of all we consume into the new and undiscovered at any other moment
The majesty of it all;

But life and death are fictions
Made to make sense of our world;
But this sense making limits our capacity seriously inhibits our ability
To accept and be accepted
For being is all we do and all we are
A part of the whole, the source….

Be present at every point
Breathe, explore
Love and compassion
Free from the yoke of materialism
Resist conformity
Paradigm ever shifting and carry us within its currents
Into what will be.

Forever we have arrived.

Edmonton, AB, Canada



Wednesday 20 November 2019

Born in the Darkness of Morning


Morning darkness, 7 am,
The room light echoes
Window pane
Reflection like a portrait glossy
Photoshop, the things within
A mirror to the work that must be done
Combed beard and hair,
Sat in my chair, dressed myself
Clean underwear
Made my bed this morning
Rise and shine and set to seize the day
The catalyst and what persists
Drags you down then lifts you up
The see-saw teeter totter up and down
Down
Down
Down
You feel the bump
The bended knee
The glory and the misery
Stationary
Yin yang yo-yo existence
With persistence never-ending
Pump the legs and wait for the sun to rise
To see outside
Outside, outside
Pump the legs, accelerate
Rise up
Up
Up
up
No mater the flow, the ups and down
I’m sat here movement myth but real
Made so only
By time that passes slow,
Slow, slow
The pain I feel, the hope unreal, take a piss and break the seal
Flowing water etch into the sand
The wind in trees
skinned knees
bumps, bruises, broken soul
Congeal with hopes of being solid again
The shine I seek comes from the east
Delayed by winter’s lagging light
Waiting, waiting for the dawn
To this very long and cold and bitter night
Playground heart and carefree
Sun’s solace, warm me, wake me up
A mammal in this medium just wants to sleep
Morning darkness, 7:15 am,
The room light echoes
Window pane
Reflection like a portrait glossy
Photoshop smiles, the things within
A mirror to the work that must be done
Combed beard and hair,
Sat in my chair, dressed myself
Clean underwear
Made my bed this morning
Rise and shine and set to seize the day
The coffee strong
Wake from a night so long
With persistence and with fortitude
Take me to the park so I can play again
With innocence.

Edmonton, AB, Canada


Tuesday 19 November 2019

Woke Up Well


Woke Up Well


Woke this morning, a difference
Things seemed finally copacetic
Redolent of days where fears where real
Shed skin, the anxiety that’s plagued me
To my marrowed bones
For once I slept soundly through the night

Shifts and curves
Frazzled nerves
The inexplicable ego voice
Saboteurs get what they deserve
The woods are thicket deep
The thoughts still creep
A catalyst, conundrum, crazy
The lambs been skinned and nailed upon the door
Sacrifices made, the darkened days

Winter and its fake frigid purity
Blankets white, melts, morphs, slushy grey
Carry Spring within me
The promise of new life, new birth;

Resurrecting Lazarus from the sand
I lay low, deep down buried there
The desert, Ozymandias, crumble, broken
Cement the grains of sand back into stone
I wait for time and healing
To free me from the feeling that
This world has become a lot more than it seems

Perception, my Achilles heel,
Mind plays tricks with their appeals
The real is never really what it seems
How I see me, how you see me, loses our identity
But with nothing, contradiction,
Freedom becomes untethered fate
Liberty from our thoughts and demons greasy sulfur talon clutch
A new day rising, phoenix taking flight
Icarus wings, pray that I’m not burned
And singed, to ashes fall
The mix of carbon with the sifts of sand

A brand new day, another way, to act out, my role in this play
Fire the narrator, begin on a fresh page, the rage, despair, dissipates
A good night’s sleep, the myth we seek
To tell the story we need told

Tranquility to soothe the soul
Rapid thoughts and worries, not today
Each moment is a moment new
A new beginning, seek what’s true
Dispel that narrative that’s been on re-run way too long

Another chapter begins today, shatter anxiety, dismay
The sun will rise late, but I won’t fall waiting for its radiant rays

Woke this morning, a difference
Things seemed finally copacetic
Redolent of days where fears where real
Shed skin, the anxiety that’s plagued me
To my marrowed bones
A fleeting freedom that I feel
A sensation I forgot was real
Thankful for this moment of solace,
I’m finally at peace.

Edmonton, AB, Canada







Friday 15 November 2019

Wish Upon the Stars


Wish Upon the Stars


Eyes scan sky of star and moons
Each flame ringed in haze
My thoughts are of other times
Those better days

One feels so insignificant
Standing, staring here
Look at lights shone long ago
Traveling millions of years

Reflecting on the time we’ve spent
Both good and wasted days
But know now that we’re a part of this
Despite our unnatural ways

Sure, staring up into the source
The universe is ours
It belongs to us we belong to it
The rocks, trees and flowers

Oceans are our heartbeat
The rivers are our veins
And never could we have known love and joy
Without the cruel contrast of pain

But the scorch of pain blinds our view
Obscures what we know
Digging deep for joy and love
Is the only way we grow
Blinded by the burning sun
Contrast, soft full moon glow

Digging deep for faith and hope
Is the only way we grow
Eyes scan sky of star and moons
Each flame ringed in haze

My thoughts are of other times
Those better days
I know that forever only holds

One thing and that is change
Haze gives way to heavier clouds
Down comes the rain
Holy water wash my soul
Sweep away my sins
Immerse me in your nature now
Needing soil on my skin
But don’t bury my like Ozymandias
Each moment, a new begin
The sun will shine on closed doors
Until we allow it to open and flood in.

Edmonton, AB, Canada





Friday 8 November 2019

Betrayal Of Talents


Betrayal of Talents


Drop the treble, bump the bass
Feel the music in your bones and face
Escape into the words and sounds
Artist bares the soul
To stand on stage, so apparent
Spotlight on, fist to the firmament
To reach the assembled audience
Creation, lose control


I know the meaning of the words I’m singing
The strings I strum, sound blast, ears are ringing


Feel like the message that I’m conveying
Can’t escape my heart, my shortfall talents betraying me


I just want to move another
The way the music moves me here tonight
I want someone to share this feeling
I know I need to release this from my soul
Am I the tree that falls
But no one there to hear or see me down?


The poet’s pen, stabs the paper
Bleeds the ink
The smoky vapor
Words put down, put down,
The death of me
Lay out raw for all to view
To see the pain in me, pain in you
Manifest it, purging, into something beautiful
Straggle hard against the demons
Implanted egg, with the seamen
Ego, self-doubt lash out
Until the anger dissolves


Death a million paper cuts
Screams in my head, butterfly guts
The Ancient Mariner, albatross weight
Fall down fast in to the ocean
Cast upon ebbing motion
Life preserver hold on
White knuckle ride

I know the meaning of the words I’m writing
Voices, doubt in my head, diction, words fighting me

Feel like the message that I’m conveying
Can’t escape my heart, my shortfall talents betraying me….

Edmonton, AB, Canada







Friday 1 November 2019

Façade


Plastic, ass sticks on the chair
Do your make-up, do your hair
Put on the face you wish the world would see
Unhappy with just how we’re are
Craft and sculpt a new façade
Looking for approval’s nod
The mirror, ego lies

I know the face we wear is always changing
One side of it is real, the other
Constant re-arranging… to suit the world

It’s no measure of health to be adjusted
To a society that’s so damn busted
Materialism, zealots and corporate gods

Hey, wait, take a selfie
Never frame, photo captures moment,
Elf on shelf he
Spies at you, tape the camera to block out your phone

I don’t know you,
I don’t know me
Persistent pursuit
Of liberty
Smear the grease, dab the gel
Walk into the wind

Buttermilk smiles and fenced in hugs
Crowded café or disco club
Sat in the corner of the pub, my thoughts on nothing new
All these things, you don’t forget it
Live long enough to regret it
Mystery makes the moment question everything

How can I face the day
When I never can ever feel the way
I feel that feeling should feel
Not the way things are

Shave the stubble,
Stack the rubble
Always feel trapped
In a bubble
This means war, this means trouble,
No one wins

Loneliness is such a whore
We crave to be
So much more
I want to be happy and love myself
Or fall away

Deep down, hit the center
Smash the ceiling; plaster and splinters
Saw the sky now hurdling beneath the ground

All the world is a stage
Mixed emotions
Joy and rage
Feel like a pack creature in a cage
Gnaw foothold trapped leg but can’t get free of me

I need my ego thoughts removal
Emancipation from approval
The lights too dim, and I can’t see
If the line’s drawn on right
Anxious finger shakes;
Lines blurred and salient run from corners
Of the eyes

Plastic, static sticks on the chair
Paint your make-up, coif your hair
Place on the face you wish the world would see
Never happy with just how we’re are
Craft and sculpt a new façade
Looking for approving nod
The reflection, ego lies

I know the face we wear is always changing
One side of it is real, the other
Constant re-arranging… to suit the world not me
And that is why I can’t feel free.


Edmonton, AB, Canada








Tuesday 29 October 2019

Disdain For Winter


Crispness cuts
Beneath my clothes
Burning ears and frozen nose
Thoughts transpose from summer mind
To winter’s grip and fold
The cold in my bones
Never abates
The mercury plunge;


Need to alleviate
The short dark days
With some sort of light of my own
The things in life we can’t control:
Getting sick or growing old
The weather and seasons past
Continuous momentum
Seems frozen, fast
The wrong moments lasting forever
This is how perception lies
Wind teared up, watery eyes
Being present, breath,
Nose drips on glove, slid on sleeve


The Tao teaches to go with the flow
Trapped in the cracks of ice-dammed river road
Paddles useless
Walk on water
Ego complex, messianic muse;
Waiting for the Spring
Which never really came this year,
Summer too
Dark, wet drear


Waiting for that time of year
For sun’s warmth upon my aging visage
Of singing birds and magpies call
So my limbs flow freely
Instead of stiff and dry
Thoreau’s Walden, Genesis’ Eden
The places I want to go
Walk along the Oceanside in San Diego or Mexico

A place of warmth, compassion and harmony
To mind the season’s as they come and go
The tuft of sheepdog fur
Massaged by my hand
Sat beneath full foliaged tree
A book, a drink, held in my hand
Blowing blooms of cloud into blue sky, free
And sit in the circle,
An equal part-
Not the begin or middle
The sound of kettle on the hob
Of bodhrans, pipes, guitars and fiddles
Away from the traffic’s roar
And congested streets which I deplore
The society that can be such a whore…


Need to alleviate
The short dark days
With some sort of light of my own
Nature is my source
To fan the spark is desirable,
With the right person of course!
Who will come with me along this way
Endure both bright and dismal day
To find piece in the affray
The heights of passion, lows of dismay?


Winter, welcome, again my terse old friend
Who marks the finality of Summer-Fall’s end
May the weary world rest while fixed
Within your grip
Until Springtime starts it’s hopeful drip
To bloom and blossom back to life
And mark the end of winter’s strife
As crispness cuts
Beneath my clothes
Burning ears and frozen nose
Grateful for every ounce of warmth
That radiate from parka, a smile
And the hope of acceptance.

Fan the spark into a flame; to light my way
And incandescence fill my being
As the universe guides my way
Stiff but yield unto icy current
Until a steady flow restores itself,
Unstuck,
And I begin to move freely once again.


Edmonton, AB, Canada













Thursday 24 October 2019

Thoughts On the Second Anniversary of My Mother’s Death


Thoughts On the Second Anniversary of My Mother’s Death

Two years today
You returned to the source;
Mother, from whence I came
My origins contained
In the crematorium urn; reminder of
Our dusty nature-
How parts of us emit about our world, clinging to all that we encounter;
Always leaving some of our selves.
The sperm and egg that begat my flesh and bone;
The universal spirit slides
Intentions and abundance
This is our life; brief in this case, vase, this form, this vehicle
But long after the dust is sealed by sandy tegument
Or polished, smooth urn rests
Our actions; our only true possession
Carries a legacy;
The DNA/RNA weave, serpent like ouroboros
Rainbows and rain; flowers mashed by manic storms
Slamming seeds into earth;
Violence of the big bang begets the beauty that abounds
In the brevity that is our moment; connecting us all
Immortal.


Edmonton, AB, Canada



Monday 21 October 2019

Peaceful Journey


Each footfall
Is where you are going
The contradiction of movement and the present
Frames flicker as each moment
Begets the next; perpetual being
Briefly then gone but
Still here, caught from cagey eye corner
The complexity of motion when the present
Remains constant but
Nothing is standing still…. What matter is it whether my sole strikes
Mountain summit? Beginning, ending or middle of the trail?
Here is where we will always be
And Shiva destroys our illusions
Of permanence; “All that remains the same is change
Om namah Shiviya
To be unsettled; to settle;
Convention’s contradictions
Always moving but always here
The dimensions helix-serpent coil around matter and thought
Wherein there is light
Penetrating dark
To be and not to be and to be again
Breath’s perpetual mating with universe
Until last one is drawn and we disperse;
Shape shift of form
Into new configurations;
No dying, death; all is life in flux
The great illusion we call life;
Often a tormentor, as we view through
Gushing water; rapids on the retina; emotions defining us
When they should be cast into the salient sea of tears
But, when we encounter the clarity of peace
Through pranayama – the breath unites us secure
And we can see that we have both always and never been;
The illusions of our perceptions flirtations with reality
And through the moments we reincarnate an infinite cycle
Within a universe that has created us and all things;
Breathe, be, see the light
That our life-force is; our truest nature;
Free of body and possession –  Spirit fueled
Shalom, salam, shanti, peace

Edmonton, AB, Canada

Friday 18 October 2019

Breath of Being


Breath of Being


Follow the breath;
Friction of inhale
Through nose lining, warm and chaffing throat
With a gentleness like the river that flows through the valley;
Lungs expand with
Elastic tension, a tepid humidity, rising chest lifting torso
As if a balloonist rises in their craft
Belly inflates like a balloon
Hold and release…release
In the positive and universal energy-
Exhale, disseminating the stress and shards of self
Back into
Infinite universe
To be re-charged
And join with the whole.
This connects me to you and eradicated space;
Joined as one;
Our minds and energy navigate
The flurry of elements conjoining all things
We are one
Connected by space,
United in breath
Connected through our energy
And our part within the circle’s infinite loop
That which divides us
Is as much an illusion
As all life tends to be;
The projector of our narrative;
The ego-self
That makes many believe
We are the circle’s center
Like the finger inside a ring
Separate from the object, easily removed
But denial begets not truth
And our beliefs are subjective to our journey
And we must realise
The worthlessness of material things
In our self-completion;
Our perspective shifts back to the breath
And that which unites;
The light… the light….
The light within us all
Requires the breath
As we are the fuel, hope sparks our fire
The breath fans the passion for life
And illuminates
To illustrate
The beauty in and of all things.
Follow the breath;
Friction of inhale
Through nose lining, warm and chaffing throat
With a gentleness like the river that flows through the valley;
Lungs expand with
Elastic tension, a tepid humidity, rising chest lifting torso
As if a balloonist rises in their craft
Belly inflates like a balloon
Hold and release…release
In the positive and universal energy-
Exhale, disseminating the stress and shards of self
Back into
Infinite universe
To be re-charged
And join with the whole.


Edmonton, AB, Canada