A Sick Society

It is no measure of good health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.

~ Jiddu Krishnamurti

Krishnamurti’s message says all that really needs to be said. When one reflects on the meaning of these words, we can observe the roots of violence, apathy, lack of fulfillment, despair and a world run by conformity, corporations and media. We need to be the change by being our selves. If all you read, listen to, watch and do is empty of any sort of truly qualitative components or aspects, then how can we ever feel the joy of fulfillment? How can we make this world better if we stew in our apathy? How can we be who and what we are if we complicity wear the masks of conformity assigned to us by society or our employers. I have often felt a pariah on the periphery of society, walking to the beat of my own drum, though I know that, through my rebellions and decisions, much of it is to a more palatable conformity; i.e. punk rock. Much of what I have done has not always followed a conventional path, but mine is a spirit of poetry and adventure, thus I wander as I must and try to adhere to those things which make sense and feel appropriate. I believe my intentions are to always do good. The Buddha said: “Believe nothing, now matter where you have read it or who has said it… unless it agrees with your own reason and common sense.” To not do this is to not think critically. We must inform ourselves and not be fearful of who accepts us. We must accept ourselves. Anything else may please others, but leave us empty and hollow.

Different Paths

Just because my path is different, doesn’t mean I’m lost.

~ unknown

So much of “what’s popular” is tripe. Just look at all the bizarre and daft things people do on YouTube! Just because something is popular does not mean it will make you happy. We nee to live for ourselves - not selfishly- but, rather not to be corralled and herded like sheep just to fit in. “Dance like no one is watching”. How boring and colourless would life be if we all did and liked the same things. Yet we are always seeking approval, often at the expense of ourselves. When our plethora of masks obscure us from ourselves, then we become an empty husk; unfulfilled and likely unhappy. 

Silence

I have the impression that many of us are afraid of silence. We’re always taking in something - text, music, radio, television, or thoughts - to occupy the space. If quiet and space are so important for our happiness, why don’t we make more room for them in our lives?

~ Thich Nhat Hahn

I so often crave and need silence after working all day, but never seem to get enough of it. Some nights, it feels like there are lesions on my brain - as though it is physically cut, scraped and scratched. I realize how tired I truly am and that my body and mind have been pleading for a reprieve from the rigours of my working life. The taxing demands of my occupation take so much, and the past couple of years have been particularly a difficult one beyond the school walls: daughter’s best friend being hit, dragged and killed by a transit bus, helping her to navigate the emotions of her first real dealings with death, aside from the loss of pets. The emotions of separating from my wife after nearly 21 years together was exceptionally exhausting on an emotional level, excruciated through the legal aspects and formulation of our separation agreement. There was the chaos of buying my new home as there was so much tied up with my separation and, while the resources were there, attaining them was rife with struggles and complications. My mother passed away. I am, however, free. I do appreciate the peace afforded by my freedom. I fear boredom as so much time can allow the gremlins to hold my mind hostage as they feed me their doubting and negative thoughts (when I refer to my gremlins, it is based on a book written by Rick Carlson titled How to Tame Your Gremlin, which was recommended to me by my therapist years ago when I was dealing with the worst aspects of my PTSD. No, I do not hear voices.). We must learn to love and care for ourselves.

Wounds

The wound is where the light enters you.

~ Rumi

This quotation by Rumi makes sense as one intentionally focuses on that which is hurting. Healing is becoming stronger - to fortify the body and make it whole again with an increased sense of resilience. Through a wound, the light enters. All that we endure and survive, though sometimes taking us to the breaking point, does make us stronger if we are willing to do the necessary things to make it so. All failure is an opportunity to learn. All hurt is an opportunity to heal. With no black, there can be no white - the yin and yang are necessary to understand opposites and to then determine what it is we shall pressure internally and through our interactions with others. Our wounds force us to dig deep and uncover the ample positives in our lives, obscured by pain. You stub your toe, and all your energy focuses on the pain, oblivious to the rest of your body which may feel fantastic. The light is the goodness rallying around the hurt. We either see the light or we do not. Often, we never take the time to look.

The Wisdom Of Knowing One's Self

Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.

~ Aristotle

Isolating one’s self is difficult with all of the masks which we wear and roles that we play. Is there a single self in all of this, or are we all of these external selves born of that which is within our being? Is the actor the role or is there a governing self from which all these arms attach to as they reach outward? “Of these things I’ve become” is tattooed on my arm as it is part of my story depicted through ink on skin. I believe there is a central core of self, but, as we are shaped by our experiences and genetics, I wonder to what extent it exists independently… energy matter. We often play roles in which we are uncomfortable, and others where we are happy. Is this perhaps the looking glass of our true inherent selves?

Being In the Present

If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.

~ Lao Tzu

Though I have been trying for over two decades to live by Lao Tzu’s words, we often struggle to live more in the present. I still experience bouts of anxiety and depression, though they are much farther and fewer than those I experienced in previous times. They still manage to take hold of my thoughts and become gremlins of self depreciation, doubt and fear. Being aware of what these negative gremlins is essential, the challenge is not allowing negative or despairing thoughts about things beyond one’s control to dominate one’s psyche. We am in control of ourselves alone. We must live fully and completely, and not allow other’s choices, perceptions or negativity to contaminate the moment. We must leave things of this nature outside of us, and experience life coming from within and pushing out in a spirit of positivity, compassion, joy and love to mingle with the universe and to be absorbed in all things. The beauty of the moment is that now is always new and an opportunity to re-set. It is not the simplest of undertakings, but practising mindfulness can be very beneficial in shaping our views and challenging those negative thoughts and emotions. Again, nothing is permanent and we are not our emotions: they ebb and flow like waves on the ocean. No matter the shape, water adapts, as must we.

Wonderful World

And I think to myself: what a wonderful world.

~ Louis Armstrong

This is such a wonderful world, though, so often we allow negativity to hijack our perspective. This causes me to think on the words of Confucius: “Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it”. No matter how bad things seem to be, there is always something beautiful that we can see or find if we strive to see it. I think of the alpine wildflowers that grow in the harshest of climates, to bloom for a few weeks, and then to sleep again beneath the craggy rocks, ice and scree. This is truly an example and metaphor for the beauty which abounds.

Reset

Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes… even you.

~ Anne Lamott

We need to unplug and unwind. Need a break from the rigours and emotional demands of everyday. The question is how to unplug and recharge? Solar power is the answer! Sit in the sunshine, read and then embrace each and every moment of the day, recharged. Still, while we all need our time with ourselves, unplugging and unwinding is not, necessarily, an act of isolation. Again, research shows the importance of community and genuine social interaction.

Getting Lost to Understand Our Selves

Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.

~ Henry David Thoreau

We can not discover ourselves without looking. Also, we need to know what we are looking for and why we are looking for it. Why do we make the choices that we do? How much of our lives are based on self-destructive patterns that, without reflection, we tend to repeat? When we face a serious life crisis or challenge, it affords us the chance to sit down and truly reflect on ourselves. Do you like the person looking back at you from the mirror? Why or why not? What are our goals, why are they our goals and are they realistic? Oftentimes, this requires a stiff honesty with ourselves, and we may not be happy with what we see. This is another reason why mindfulness can help us: the past is the past and can not be changed, the future is the future and never happens, leaving us with the present. This is good because the present is all we have control over. While we may wear shackles of previous decisions, it is in the present that we are able to transform our selves and our situation. Just looking can be a shot in the dark. With reflection and guidance, perhaps we can ascertain that which we truly aspire to and separate those things which really matter from those self-limiting or toxic aspects of our lives.

Our Life Is Our Message

Our own life has to be our message

~ Thich Nhat Hahn

My work is always what matters most to me. I fight. Always. I try to affect change, oftentimes with the grace of a bull and the diplomacy skills of Attilla the Hun. When I am gone from this earth, I hope that my legacy is what others have learned and gained from my work and having me as a part of their lives. I do not wish to be recognized, nor do I care if I am remembered - it is not about me, its about inspiring others to live full, productive and joyful lives. What matters most is that others move forward in a loving and compassionate manner; that they too promote these ideals by way of their actions, for this is how we truly change the world. To speak for those who have no voice, and to battle for justice and understanding. Altruism is fulfilling and offers us a sense of purpose while doing good. As research shows, we need people around us. Loneliness kills. Our lives should be based in building and developing one’s self, while embedding ourselves in a strong social family.

Behaviours of Others

Don’t let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace.

~ Dalai Lama

Sometimes I can feel like I have no inner peace to begin with. So often, I feel the tumult of chaos and exhaustion in every fibre of my being. I often feel that I have given more than I have to give, leaving me with a sense of both an emotional and physical deficit. I know that I am not alone in these feelings. We need to build within if we are to withstand life’s storms. We need a rock upon which to build and supports the structure of self that we am endeavouring to construct. Our foundations oftentimes feel as if composed on sand, with the wind perpetually in our faces. We need a vacation - a time to rebuild and replenish ourselves, and free from the distraction of those niggling gremlins of doubt and self-defeat - none of that is real, but, rather, an illusion for our undisciplined minds. We are born to serve, as we are communal creatures, but all tools require maintenance if they are to continue to be of any use at all.

Fear of the Unknown

One is never afraid of the unknown; one is afraid of the known coming to an end.

~ Jiddu Krishnamurti

Despite knowing full well, despite the cliche, that “all that stays the same is change”, there is a part of us that clings to what Krishnamurti is alluding to here. This is why I spent the last ten of the twenty years in my marriage, even though I knew that it was negative for both my daughter and I. It is like the abused spouse staying with their partner (and I believe that what I endured would be considered as abuse), or the unhappy worker who remains in the job that they hate. We fear that known coming to its conclusion. When I reflect on my life, I see many “ends” and “beginnings”, intermediated by the unknown. As life is, things ebb and flow. Rugby, my years spent as a Correctional Officer, teaching - each had its own epoch and challenges. One’s holding onto such things - just like in the previous entry on happiness - it always comes back to our expectations and insecurities. Despite it all, the sky has not fallen. We must, in the Taoist sense, yield to the winds of change as a tree, or, alternatively, snap and break from being rigid.

Notions of Happiness

Our notions about happiness entrap us. We forget that they are just ideas. Our idea of happiness can prevent us from actually being happy. We fail to see the opportunity for joy that is right in front of us, when we are caught in a belief that happiness should take a particular form.

~ Juddu Krishnamurti

We want to be happy. It is the expectations to which we cling that cause suffering. We must focus on those things which we can control. We can not aspire to,  control others. While our mind may know that the television and films that we have been raised upon do not reflect the broad spectrum of reality - the perfect family, relationship, etc. - we must not allow these things to become an expectation or belief that the reality of our lives - or anyone’s - can be reflected as those stories or scripts - the words of a writer’s fantasy and imagination. We must live and find beauty in the moment and not, to use a metaphor, put life on hold and not enjoy the days of the week, living only for the weekend. We must savour each and every moment, regardless of their emotional colour.