Fret

Fret

Internal, infernal revolution

That plays out in my thoughts

Consumes my head

Unsettled flesh and bones

In my own body

Blue blood oxygenated

Spilling red, red, red

When self becomes one’s own oppressor

When self and ego don’t play fair

Undertow, colossal tsunami of emotions

Breathe, breathe, feel the belly rising

Bloat me like I’ve consumed too much bread

A carbohydrate exhaustion

Makes my mind dark, limbs like lead, lead, lead

I need a little pick me up

A break from winter’s cold

I need to accept that I’m growing old, old, old

Stutter, shake, collapse and sleep now

Wake up in the morning

Feel the same

Like a lottery where your ticket’s never winning

The borderline between the sane and insane, insane, insane

I just want a moment of normal

Whatever normal may be

Or is such a state sustainable

Just need to be happy to be me, me, me

That’s the only way I can ever be free, free, free

Unshackle thoughts, beliefs and assumptions

Clear the shit straight out of my head

I seek the clear and pleasant waters

A place devoid of unfounded fear and dread, dread, dread

I know I know I’m not my thoughts I’m thinking

Always without ever a reprieve

Go to hell ego voice and demons

Break the shackles self-imposed and be, be, be

Edmonton, AB, Canada

Forever We Have Arrived

Forever we have Arrived

How did we arrive at this moment?

The linear and spirals of time

From the origins of all;

The matter of which we are comprised? The same energy that has existed

Since time immemorial and the infinite future that

Will shape and shift itself forever

Making us infinite-immortal

All leading to this moment;

The energy that is I that is you that is all

Manifest in the wave that will rise, crest and

Disperse; ocean never-ending

Shape shift

Be the now

Of all placement

We are here

Knowing that all is altering;

Namah Shivaya

Impermanence of a mandala

The grains of sand comprise, compose, wash away

Perhaps never to resemble this particular self-shape again

The wonder of it all; the beauty ever present

The biodiversity and congregation of elements

Spiced with spirit and consciousness

To be as not is nothing and nothing

Implies no-thing; impossible or just impossible to comprehend?

Therein lies the immortality of matter, the impermanence of form

The continuum of time

Our ancestors, our energy, our food our elements

Intertwining double helix

Shape and evolve

Eternal and we are a pies of universal mosaic…

How can we not be mesmerized by this moment

In which we have become?

For we are and we are now

The physical flesh vehicle of our lives altering with each passing moment-

A compilation of all we consume into the new and undiscovered at any other moment

The majesty of it all;

But life and death are fictions

Made to make sense of our world;

But this sense making limits our capacity seriously inhibits our ability

To accept and be accepted

For being is all we do and all we are

A part of the whole, the source….

Be present at every point

Breathe, explore

Love and compassion

Free from the yoke of materialism

Resist conformity

Paradigm ever shifting and carry us within its currents

Into what will be.

Forever we have arrived.

Edmonton, AB, Canada

Born in the Darkness of Morning

Morning darkness, 7 am,

The room light echoes

Window pane

Reflection like a portrait glossy

Photoshop, the things within

A mirror to the work that must be done

Combed beard and hair,

Sat in my chair, dressed myself

Clean underwear

Made my bed this morning

Rise and shine and set to seize the day

The catalyst and what persists

Drags you down then lifts you up

The see-saw teeter totter up and down

Down

Down

Down

You feel the bump

The bended knee

The glory and the misery

Stationary

Yin yang yo-yo existence

With persistence never-ending

Pump the legs and wait for the sun to rise

To see outside

Outside, outside

Pump the legs, accelerate

Rise up

Up

Up

up

No mater the flow, the ups and down

I’m sat here movement myth but real

Made so only

By time that passes slow,

Slow, slow

The pain I feel, the hope unreal, take a piss and break the seal

Flowing water etch into the sand

The wind in trees

skinned knees

bumps, bruises, broken soul

Congeal with hopes of being solid again

The shine I seek comes from the east

Delayed by winter’s lagging light

Waiting, waiting for the dawn

To this very long and cold and bitter night

Playground heart and carefree

Sun’s solace, warm me, wake me up

A mammal in this medium just wants to sleep

Morning darkness, 7:15 am,

The room light echoes

Window pane

Reflection like a portrait glossy

Photoshop smiles, the things within

A mirror to the work that must be done

Combed beard and hair,

Sat in my chair, dressed myself

Clean underwear

Made my bed this morning

Rise and shine and set to seize the day

The coffee strong

Wake from a night so long

With persistence and with fortitude

Take me to the park so I can play again

With innocence.

Edmonton, AB, Canada

Woke Up Well

Woke Up Well

Woke this morning, a difference

Things seemed finally copacetic

Redolent of days where fears where real

Shed skin, the anxiety that’s plagued me

To my marrowed bones

For once I slept soundly through the night

Shifts and curves

Frazzled nerves

The inexplicable ego voice

Saboteurs get what they deserve

The woods are thicket deep

The thoughts still creep

A catalyst, conundrum, crazy

The lambs been skinned and nailed upon the door

Sacrifices made, the darkened days

Winter and its fake frigid purity

Blankets white, melts, morphs, slushy grey

Carry Spring within me

The promise of new life, new birth;

Resurrecting Lazarus from the sand

I lay low, deep down buried there

The desert, Ozymandias, crumble, broken

Cement the grains of sand back into stone

I wait for time and healing

To free me from the feeling that

This world has become a lot more than it seems

Perception, my Achilles heel,

Mind plays tricks with their appeals

The real is never really what it seems

How I see me, how you see me, loses our identity

But with nothing, contradiction,

Freedom becomes untethered fate

Liberty from our thoughts and demons greasy sulfur talon clutch

A new day rising, phoenix taking flight

Icarus wings, pray that I’m not burned

And singed, to ashes fall

The mix of carbon with the sifts of sand

A brand new day, another way, to act out, my role in this play

Fire the narrator, begin on a fresh page, the rage, despair, dissipates

A good night’s sleep, the myth we seek

To tell the story we need told

Tranquility to soothe the soul

Rapid thoughts and worries, not today

Each moment is a moment new

A new beginning, seek what’s true

Dispel that narrative that’s been on re-run way too long

Another chapter begins today, shatter anxiety, dismay

The sun will rise late, but I won’t fall waiting for its radiant rays

Woke this morning, a difference

Things seemed finally copacetic

Redolent of days where fears where real

Shed skin, the anxiety that’s plagued me

To my marrowed bones

A fleeting freedom that I feel

A sensation I forgot was real

Thankful for this moment of solace,

I’m finally at peace.

Edmonton, AB, Canada

Wish Upon the Stars

Wish Upon the Stars

Eyes scan sky of star and moons

Each flame ringed in haze

My thoughts are of other times

Those better days

One feels so insignificant

Standing, staring here

Look at lights shone long ago

Traveling millions of years

Reflecting on the time we’ve spent

Both good and wasted days

But know now that we’re a part of this

Despite our unnatural ways

Sure, staring up into the source

The universe is ours

It belongs to us we belong to it

The rocks, trees and flowers

Oceans are our heartbeat

The rivers are our veins

And never could we have known love and joy

Without the cruel contrast of pain

But the scorch of pain blinds our view

Obscures what we know

Digging deep for joy and love

Is the only way we grow

Blinded by the burning sun

Contrast, soft full moon glow

Digging deep for faith and hope

Is the only way we grow

Eyes scan sky of star and moons

Each flame ringed in haze

My thoughts are of other times

Those better days

I know that forever only holds

One thing and that is change

Haze gives way to heavier clouds

Down comes the rain

Holy water wash my soul

Sweep away my sins

Immerse me in your nature now

Needing soil on my skin

But don’t bury my like Ozymandias

Each moment, a new begin

The sun will shine on closed doors

Until we allow it to open and flood in.

Edmonton, AB, Canada

Betrayal Of Talents

Betrayal of Talents

Drop the treble, bump the bass

Feel the music in your bones and face

Escape into the words and sounds

Artist bares the soul

To stand on stage, so apparent

Spotlight on, fist to the firmament

To reach the assembled audience

Creation, lose control

I know the meaning of the words I’m singing

The strings I strum, sound blast, ears are ringing

Feel like the message that I’m conveying

Can’t escape my heart, my shortfall talents betraying me

I just want to move another

The way the music moves me here tonight

I want someone to share this feeling

I know I need to release this from my soul

Am I the tree that falls

But no one there to hear or see me down?

The poet’s pen, stabs the paper

Bleeds the ink

The smoky vapor

Words put down, put down,

The death of me

Lay out raw for all to view

To see the pain in me, pain in you

Manifest it, purging, into something beautiful

Straggle hard against the demons

Implanted egg, with the seamen

Ego, self-doubt lash out

Until the anger dissolves

Death a million paper cuts

Screams in my head, butterfly guts

The Ancient Mariner, albatross weight

Fall down fast in to the ocean

Cast upon ebbing motion

Life preserver hold on

White knuckle ride

I know the meaning of the words I’m writing

Voices, doubt in my head, diction, words fighting me

Feel like the message that I’m conveying

Can’t escape my heart, my shortfall talents betraying me….

Edmonton, AB, Canada

Façade

Plastic, ass sticks on the chair

Do your make-up, do your hair

Put on the face you wish the world would see

Unhappy with just how we’re are

Craft and sculpt a new façade

Looking for approval’s nod

The mirror, ego lies

I know the face we wear is always changing

One side of it is real, the other

Constant re-arranging… to suit the world

It’s no measure of health to be adjusted

To a society that’s so damn busted

Materialism, zealots and corporate gods

Hey, wait, take a selfie

Never frame, photo captures moment,

Elf on shelf he

Spies at you, tape the camera to block out your phone

I don’t know you,

I don’t know me

Persistent pursuit

Of liberty

Smear the grease, dab the gel

Walk into the wind

Buttermilk smiles and fenced in hugs

Crowded café or disco club

Sat in the corner of the pub, my thoughts on nothing new

All these things, you don’t forget it

Live long enough to regret it

Mystery makes the moment question everything

How can I face the day

When I never can ever feel the way

I feel that feeling should feel

Not the way things are

Shave the stubble,

Stack the rubble

Always feel trapped

In a bubble

This means war, this means trouble,

No one wins

Loneliness is such a whore

We crave to be

So much more

I want to be happy and love myself

Or fall away

Deep down, hit the center

Smash the ceiling; plaster and splinters

Saw the sky now hurdling beneath the ground

All the world is a stage

Mixed emotions

Joy and rage

Feel like a pack creature in a cage

Gnaw foothold trapped leg but can’t get free of me

I need my ego thoughts removal

Emancipation from approval

The lights too dim, and I can’t see

If the line’s drawn on right

Anxious finger shakes;

Lines blurred and salient run from corners

Of the eyes

Plastic, static sticks on the chair

Paint your make-up, coif your hair

Place on the face you wish the world would see

Never happy with just how we’re are

Craft and sculpt a new façade

Looking for approving nod

The reflection, ego lies

I know the face we wear is always changing

One side of it is real, the other

Constant re-arranging… to suit the world not me

And that is why I can’t feel free.

Edmonton, AB, Canada

Disdain For Winter

Crispness cuts

Beneath my clothes

Burning ears and frozen nose

Thoughts transpose from summer mind

To winter’s grip and fold

The cold in my bones

Never abates

The mercury plunge;

Need to alleviate

The short dark days

With some sort of light of my own

The things in life we can’t control:

Getting sick or growing old

The weather and seasons past

Continuous momentum

Seems frozen, fast

The wrong moments lasting forever

This is how perception lies

Wind teared up, watery eyes

Being present, breath,

Nose drips on glove, slid on sleeve

The Tao teaches to go with the flow

Trapped in the cracks of ice-dammed river road

Paddles useless

Walk on water

Ego complex, messianic muse;

Waiting for the Spring

Which never really came this year,

Summer too

Dark, wet drear

Waiting for that time of year

For sun’s warmth upon my aging visage

Of singing birds and magpies call

So my limbs flow freely

Instead of stiff and dry

Thoreau’s Walden, Genesis’ Eden

The places I want to go

Walk along the Oceanside in San Diego or Mexico

A place of warmth, compassion and harmony

To mind the season’s as they come and go

The tuft of sheepdog fur

Massaged by my hand

Sat beneath full foliaged tree

A book, a drink, held in my hand

Blowing blooms of cloud into blue sky, free

And sit in the circle,

An equal part-

Not the begin or middle

The sound of kettle on the hob

Of bodhrans, pipes, guitars and fiddles

Away from the traffic’s roar

And congested streets which I deplore

The society that can be such a whore…

Need to alleviate

The short dark days

With some sort of light of my own

Nature is my source

To fan the spark is desirable,

With the right person of course!

Who will come with me along this way

Endure both bright and dismal day

To find piece in the affray

The heights of passion, lows of dismay?

Winter, welcome, again my terse old friend

Who marks the finality of Summer-Fall’s end

May the weary world rest while fixed

Within your grip

Until Springtime starts it’s hopeful drip

To bloom and blossom back to life

And mark the end of winter’s strife

As crispness cuts

Beneath my clothes

Burning ears and frozen nose

Grateful for every ounce of warmth

That radiate from parka, a smile

And the hope of acceptance.

Fan the spark into a flame; to light my way

And incandescence fill my being

As the universe guides my way

Stiff but yield unto icy current

Until a steady flow restores itself,

Unstuck,

And I begin to move freely once again.

Edmonton, AB, Canada

Thoughts On the Second Anniversary of My Mother’s Death

Thoughts On the Second Anniversary of My Mother’s Death

Two years today

You returned to the source;

Mother, from whence I came

My origins contained

In the crematorium urn; reminder of

Our dusty nature-

How parts of us emit about our world, clinging to all that we encounter;

Always leaving some of our selves.

The sperm and egg that begat my flesh and bone;

The universal spirit slides

Intentions and abundance

This is our life; brief in this case, vase, this form, this vehicle

But long after the dust is sealed by sandy tegument

Or polished, smooth urn rests

Our actions; our only true possession

Carries a legacy;

The DNA/RNA weave, serpent like ouroboros

Rainbows and rain; flowers mashed by manic storms

Slamming seeds into earth;

Violence of the big bang begets the beauty that abounds

In the brevity that is our moment; connecting us all

Immortal.

Edmonton, AB, Canada

Peaceful Journey

Each footfall

Is where you are going

The contradiction of movement and the present

Frames flicker as each moment

Begets the next; perpetual being

Briefly then gone but

Still here, caught from cagey eye corner

The complexity of motion when the present

Remains constant but

Nothing is standing still…. What matter is it whether my sole strikes

Mountain summit? Beginning, ending or middle of the trail?

Here is where we will always be

And Shiva destroys our illusions

Of permanence; “All that remains the same is change”

Om namah Shiviya

To be unsettled; to settle;

Convention’s contradictions

Always moving but always here

The dimensions helix-serpent coil around matter and thought

Wherein there is light

Penetrating dark

To be and not to be and to be again

Breath’s perpetual mating with universe

Until last one is drawn and we disperse;

Shape shift of form

Into new configurations;

No dying, death; all is life in flux

The great illusion we call life;

Often a tormentor, as we view through

Gushing water; rapids on the retina; emotions defining us

When they should be cast into the salient sea of tears

But, when we encounter the clarity of peace

Through pranayama – the breath unites us secure

And we can see that we have both always and never been;

The illusions of our perceptions flirtations with reality

And through the moments we reincarnate an infinite cycle

Within a universe that has created us and all things;

Breathe, be, see the light

That our life-force is; our truest nature;

Free of body and possession –  Spirit fueled

Shalom, salam, shanti, peace

Edmonton, AB, Canada

Breath of Being

Breath of Being

Follow the breath;

Friction of inhale

Through nose lining, warm and chaffing throat

With a gentleness like the river that flows through the valley;

Lungs expand with

Elastic tension, a tepid humidity, rising chest lifting torso

As if a balloonist rises in their craft

Belly inflates like a balloon

Hold and release…release…

In the positive and universal energy-

Exhale, disseminating the stress and shards of self

Back into

Infinite universe

To be re-charged

And join with the whole.

This connects me to you and eradicated space;

Joined as one;

Our minds and energy navigate

The flurry of elements conjoining all things

We are one

Connected by space,

United in breath

Connected through our energy

And our part within the circle’s infinite loop

That which divides us

Is as much an illusion

As all life tends to be;

The projector of our narrative;

The ego-self

That makes many believe

We are the circle’s center

Like the finger inside a ring

Separate from the object, easily removed

But denial begets not truth

And our beliefs are subjective to our journey

And we must realise

The worthlessness of material things

In our self-completion;

Our perspective shifts back to the breath

And that which unites;

The light… the light….

The light within us all

Requires the breath

As we are the fuel, hope sparks our fire

The breath fans the passion for life

And illuminates

To illustrate

The beauty in and of all things.

Follow the breath;

Friction of inhale

Through nose lining, warm and chaffing throat

With a gentleness like the river that flows through the valley;

Lungs expand with

Elastic tension, a tepid humidity, rising chest lifting torso

As if a balloonist rises in their craft

Belly inflates like a balloon

Hold and release…release…

In the positive and universal energy-

Exhale, disseminating the stress and shards of self

Back into

Infinite universe

To be re-charged

And join with the whole.

Edmonton, AB, Canada